She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize