i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
