Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
