when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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