what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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