I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
