In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
