i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
