I'm jealous of your bromance
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
