I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
