Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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