her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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