Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
