if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
