Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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