i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
