Kiss
Puke
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
