my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
