I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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