Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
