8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
