She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize