i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
