Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
