What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
