Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
