I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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