You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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