We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
