eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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