Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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