just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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