I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
