First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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