Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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