i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
