I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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