My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
