did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
