I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
