She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
