I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
