not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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