Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
