It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
