four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
