I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
