Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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