so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
