Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
