Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize