i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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