she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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