is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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