Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
