I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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