i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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