TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
