I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
