Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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