he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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