i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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