At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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