The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
