Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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