We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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