apparently the secret to your success is patron
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
