if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
