Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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