I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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