i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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